7th Heaven: Season 3 - Episode 17: Sometimes That's Just the Way It Is

 

Simon Camden (David Gallagher) is desperately searching for his red-lightening ring.

The Camdens, minus Simon, and the infant twins are walking down the hall with their flashlights because they hear a noise from Simon's room. Simon is frantically searching for his red-lightening ring because he believes he inherited Lucy's unlikely middle-child spot. 

Mary: Should we kill him now or in the morning?

The twins start crying.

All: Now

Simon: See, unlucky. I"m unlucky.

The opening credits come up, and the theme song plays. 

Matt is in the kitchen writing in a notebook. Eric comes down and asks his son if he's deciding on a major yet. Annie tells her husband that "his clients" are waiting for him in the living room. Matt calls them "church nuts," and Eric tells him not to major in psychology. 

Ruthie does a cartwheel, but Ted (Corbin Bernsen) and his wife Emily, who has a British accent (Amanda Pays), totally ignore her because they are looking at Sam and David. (And that awesome accent is authentic. Pays is from London, England. Also, Corbin Bernsen and Amanda Pays are married in real life. They married in 1988). Annie and Eric enter the living room, and Emily tells them how adorable they are. She says Ted hates children.

Emily: Oh, not yours. These are lovely children.

Ruthie: Nice save. Of course, the accent helps.

Ted and Emily go into Eric's office with Reverend Eric. After they leave, Annie thanks her youngest daughter for entertaining Emily and Ted. 

Once inside the office, Ted tells Eric and Emily that he wants a divorce because he can't stand being married. He has felt that way for years. He wanted to tell her in front of Eric so she would have support if upset.

Simon puts a horseshoe over his door food good luck, but it falls back off. Ruthie enters her brother's room, angry about the babies getting so much attention. She gives him back his chain letters, so Simon explains she was supposed to keep the chain going, not return the letters to him.

Ruthie: Bad luck already befalled on me, the day the babies were born.

She storms out of the room.

Simon: Ditto.

Lucy and Mary are trying to figure out how to get out of the house. Lucy suggests they just walk out and take the car.

Lucy: They won't even notice.

Mary: I tried that already. They know noticed. (You might remember this from the episode entitled "It Happened One Night," two episodes before this one). 

Matt stops his car outside an Army Recruiting office. 

Ted tells Emily he loves her, but she doesn't understand why he'd want to leave if they are going so well since she says the last fifteen years were the best of her life. (Ted is a jerk). 

Another couple is in the living room. Ruthie tries to entertain, but again is being ignored as they are preoccupied with the twins. Ted leaves, and Emily goes into the room and tells everyone her husband is leaving her.

Emily: But the good news is, apparently, the best years are yet to come. 

Eric tells the other couple they can come into his office now.

Matt is at the recruiting office, finding out how long he has to sign up to get money for school. Matt says he wants to train in aviation and begins filling out the paperwork. (Are you sure you've really thought this through, Matt)?

Emily heats up a teapot to make tea because she finds it comforting. Annie asks her what happened; however, Emily doesn't know. Eric wants to see Annie in the other room, where he asks her to get Emily to return to the office to talk to him. Annie says Emily wants to talk to her, not to him. But Annie goes into the kitchen, returns, and tells Eric Emily is waiting for him.

Ruthie is acting out the Moses going down the Nile Bible story for Carol (Bobbi Holtzman) and Louise (Amy Alexandra Lloyd), who came to see the new babies. They tell Annie that Ruthie entertained them until the babies woke up, but now they had to run. (Poor Ruthie, I feel bad that no one pays attention to her). 

Simon comes down, losing his balance but doesn't get hurt. Emily asks him if he's okay, and he says yes, but his family won't send the chain letters.

Simon: Who are you, by the way?

Emily: Oh, I'm Emily Grant. I go to your church. 

Simon tells her about losing his red-lightening ring and asks if she believes in bad luck.

Emily: Oh yes. I'm a big believer in bad luck. I'm up to my almost-divorced bum in bad luck. (Perhaps losing Ted is not bad luck, he is pond scum).

Simon asks her if there are any kids, and she tells him, "no, unfortunately." He figures out she wanted them and says he understands why people don't want them. 

Later that evening, Lucy is in the kitchen with Emily. She tells Emily she could always adopt if she wants children. Eric comes back into the kitchen, and she tells him she's going home. Eric tells her he doesn't think Ted will like being alone as much as he thinks he will like it. 

Joanne (Linda Ljoka) is over at the house with her daughter, Glenda (Cara DeLizia), a girl Simon's age. Ruthie is playing loud music and marching around, twirling her baton. Annie comes in and turns the music down, reminding her eight-year-old that the babies have little tiny ears. Glenda wants to see Simon and tells Annie she can find him. 

Ruthie: Oh, this should be good.

Mary finds Emily's purse on the kitchen table and runs upstairs to show Lucy their "ticket out of there."

Simon is outside wishing on a star for his bad luck to become good luck when Ruthie and Glenda come out. Glenda tells Simon she wants her mother to take her out of private school to go to school with Simon because her school is an all-girls school. Simon tells her that she has a girlfriend.

The girl looks at Ruthie.

Ruthie: Who knew? I've never seen her. 

Simon: What?

Glenda pushes past her and walks in the opposite direction of the house.

Simon (to Ruthie): She's going the wrong way!

Ruthie: I don't care. It's not like she brought me a present.

Simon yells at God and tells Him he is supposed to be "the luckiest kid on earth." 

Matt comes into the house as Mary and Lucy come downstairs. Matt asks them where their parents are because he needs to speak with them, but they inform him they have dibs on their mother. 

Glenda comes inside and tells her mother she wants to go home because Simon is mean. (Or honest). Joanne tells Annie goodnight and sounds a bit annoyed. Annie says she will talk to Simon.

Glenda: Don't bother. (Glenda has a bit of a 'tude). 

Mary and Lucy ask if they can go return Emily's purse that she left behind and swear they didn't hide it. After they leave, Matt tells his mother he joined the Army. 

Mary and Lucy are stopped at a red light and see some boys in another car. They ask the girls to meet them at LandBurgers. (Wow, they do go places outside of the pool hall and the Dairy Shack). 

Lucy: Couldn't we just have a shake?

Mary: After we drop off the purse.

Ted is at his apartment dancing in his underwear and a sweatshirt while drinking beer. Eric knocks on the door, and Ted answers. He tells Eric he thought it was Emily; he then proceeds to complain to Eric about Emily and how uptight and "British" she is. (She's so much better than you, Dude). 

Annie hits Matt with a rolled-up newspaper, upset that he joined the Army. 

The girls drop the purse off to Emily and tell her that sometimes there's "too much family." But Emily thinks it's better than none at all. 

Simon is with Ruthie in his room. He's trying to figure out how to get rid of the bad luck, and while he's spinning around, he falls down.

Ruthie: If it weren't for bad luck, you'd have none at all. 

Eric goes over to Emily's apartment, where Emily quickly realizes he didn't have any luck with Ted. 

Eric: Well, let's just say he's not himself today.

Emily: Oh, I have a feeling that he is. 

Neither Eric nor Emily believes in divorce. 

Eric: He had to ask you to marry him, but he doesn't really, legally, have to ask you for a divorce. It's not fair. It's just the way it is.

Emily: So you don't think he's coming back either, do you?

Eric: Do you want him to?

Emily: I don't know. (Be glad, Emily, count your blessings). 

The girls are with the boys drinking milkshakes in Mary's car. They are all lying to each other. 

Annie is still angry with Matt for joining the Army. But says it was a very responsible decision. Eric comes in, and Annie tells her husband their son joined the Army. Eric tells Matt only he can make that decision, but he needs to understand what he's getting into because once a person gets in, he can't get out.

Eric: In the words of the colonel: Your butt belongs to the corps.

Matt asks them what they have against the corps, and Annie says she has nothing against it. However, she has an issue with the lack of time Matt spent thinking it over. 

Matt: I'm a grown man. I've already considered all the options. I'm in. 

He gets up and leaves in anger. Annie starts hitting her husband with the newspaper. (I think she's getting a little too slap-happy). 

Ted has many empty beer bottles on the counter and no more in the fridge. He grabs his keys and heads out to get more. (Moron, you've been drinking - driving is stupid right now). 

The girls run into the boys again at a light and ask them if they want to play fire drill. They get out of their cars, run around, get back in, and drive off again. 

Meanwhile, Ted is falling asleep at the wheel because he's drunk.

The older girls and the boys come to another light and another fire drill. 

Mary: Look out!

Ted hits the Camden station wagon. Lucy hugs Mary, and then they see Ted is passed out at the wheel. (I cannot stand drunk drivers. They must permanently lose their licenses and be locked up for a long time)!

The following day, Lucy doesn't want to wake up because she doesn't want to talk to her parents about what happened. Annie and Eric come upstairs and tell the girls that Ted was drunk. Mary and Lucy cry and tell their parents they weren't in the car because they were playing fire drill. 

Matt is at the recruitment office.

Matt: So that's it?

Recruiting officer: That's it, son.

He salutes Matt, and Matt salutes back.

The doorbell rings at the house, and Simon asks the twins to stay dry for thirty minutes because using the doorbell means more people have come to look at them.

Ruthie: Who is it?

Emily: It's Emily and Ted. Can we come in, please, Ruthie?

Ruthie: I'm not sure; I'll go ask somebody.

Eric comes downstairs and opens the door. Ted has a crutch and neck brace, and his arm is in a sling.

Eric: Ruthie, go get your sisters and your mom.

Ted tells Eric his arm is broken.

Emily says that after getting advice from most of the Camdens, she is feeling better.

Annie, Mary, and Lucy come into the living room. Ted apologizes to Mary and Lucy. 

Ted: My license has been suspended, and I have to attend alcohol abuse meetings and do some community service. Still, in light of what I did, it doesn't seem like very much.

Annie: No, it doesn't. 

Ted: Still, I hope you guys can accept my apology.

Lucy and Mary: Sure.

Annie: No, I don't think so. 

Everyone looks at Annie in shock.

Annie: I find it reprehensible that you waited until your wife spent fifteen years taking care of you before you just decided you never really wanted to be married. I find it even more reprehensible that on your first night out of the house and decided to get drunk and then get behind a wheel so that you could get no doubt more beer so that you could get more drunk. You could've killed my daughters. You could've killed someone else. You could've killed yourself. How stupid do you have to be? How selfish do you have to be to drink and drive? I don't have to lead someone around to the truth. I am a mother; I can shove it right in their face. (Go, Annie! Tell the yutz off)! 

Annie leaves the room, and Eric follows her. He says sometimes shoving the truth in someone's face works well.

Ted thinks he is going home with Emily, "at least until the bandages come off." (Scum). 

Emily: Until the bandages come off? No, Ted, I don't think so. Home is where the heart is, and you don't have a heart. And you have broken mine. You want a divorce, and that's your decision. I'm not taking care of you again until you can walk out again, and that's my decision. (Yeah! Go, Emily)!

Ruthie comes in playing with sparklers trying to get Emily and Ted to pay attention to her. Emily runs over to her and tells her she shouldn't do that. 

Ted: And you wanna have children. I'll call a cab.

Emily says she hasn't bought anything for the twins, but perhaps Ruthie would like something since they have so much.

Ruthie: Well, I'd love it if you didn't mention the sparklers to the reverend and his wife.

Emily: Okay. Why don't you mention it to them?

Ruthe: You'd make a great mom. Well, you know if you decide you want to. But if you're not sure, take the twins, please. 

Emily: Funny: Henny Youngman.

Ruthie: Who? (I second that, so for anyone who also seconds it, I looked it up. Henny Youngman was a comedian known for "his mastery of the one-liner"). 

Annie and Eric are in the older girls' room talking to the older girls. Annie informs them that they can't always get what they want. ("But if you try sometimes, well, you just might find you get what you need." At least according to the Rolling Stones). 

Mary: Okay. So how do we get what we want?

Eric: The old-fashioned way, earn it. 

Simon is getting rid of the chain mail because Annie told him they were illegal. Ruthie says she doesn't need his help getting in trouble. (That's for sure)!

Simon: Give me a break. I found out before anything happened.

Ruthie: Yeah, but only because you're lucky.

Simon: Yeah, maybe I am.

Eric and Annie come into the kitchen and tell Simon that if they tell him that, he can't cause good or bad luck to happen.

Eric: Do I smell smoke?

Ruthe: I'll never do it again.

Matt returns home, and his parents inform him he's not joining the Army.

Matt: Okay. 

He leaves the room. 

Eric: Sometimes, it's just a matter of laying down the law.

Annie: Yeah, that was way too easy, wasn't it?

Eric: Way. 

Ruthie and Simon decide they are both lucky kids because Matt came home, which kept them from getting into trouble. Ruthie pulls out Simon's red-lightening rings from under her shirt. She was wearing it on a necklace chain. Simon tells her she can keep it. 

Annie and Annie knock on Matt's bedroom door.

Matt: Enter!

Eric: We'd like to know exactly why you won't be joining the Army.

Matt: I failed the test, sir!

He tells them he can't be a helicopter pilot, salutes them, and leaves his room.

Eric: Do you know what I want, and I want it right now? I want the seven of them to behave themselves for just one day.

Annie: Good luck with that.

Eric puts his arms around his wife, and they leave Matt's room.

The closing credits come up. 

(This was a great episode. I especially loved when Annie told Ted off. The other people were all well connected to the Ted and Emily plot as well).